Ant Under the Magnifying Glass

hear that sizzle? Thats my hide, getting fried as my ‘team’, my so called ‘colleagues’ continue to kill me with 1000 cuts. Literally daily, I get some nudge, an elbow in the ribs, a finger shaking over my head. No one seems to be overseeing the other two recruiters–Kelli didn’t even know to give the contracts to the right person. They are so out of it, and I am so on top of it, but I’m getting the needles in my skin.  I continue to keep my head up but just keep telling myself, I can walk at any time. I can put up with it because of the other people I work with, my docs, my directors. But I continue to sit in silence because fighting will mean that I’m a bitch. This must be Lisa’s revenge. How she is loving it, having a friend or two to work with now. When she’s managed to alienate every single other person here. So she’s created a friend out of someone with anger–she’s fed the anger, stoked the gossip, encouraged the hatred. And thats where we are, team!

The thing about working with women is the constant need to be the best, and the jealousy. I do like to be the best, I do like to succeed, I am competitive. And here’s the rub–thats what this business needs. But not what its fostering. I simply dont understand how I can be in a competitive sales based industry but get rapped on the head for being aggressive, for having new ideas. Every time I suggest something it gets shot down. Every time I bring something up I get dismissed. I am a good leader. I am a good worker. I am someone that has proven themselves and worked my way up in this company. I have done a lot of good work for this company but my coworkers seem to despise that about me.

So professional of them.

No one can know what is in someone’s heart or mind. You cannot judge based on just what you see. I hope I do not– I hope that I continue to be open and feel people out. I just ask the same of them! Its ridiculous that I have to put up with this but I guess its my cross to bear. The only thing I try to do is stay under the radar and get my job done. Please god, give me strength to get through this. Give me patience to get to the next phase of my life. Give me an open door to walk through and change all this. Grant me the serenity to recognize the things I cannot change. Give me the strength to change the things I can!

This calls for either meek submission to the status quo, yes ma’am yes ma’am yes ma’am, or a major change–here or elsewhere.

I am so ready to start my own business. I think the corporate concierge idea is so likely. Something

Anything! I am ready!!! Just open that door, give me a chance. We can do it.

 

Update: I have an interview on Monday for nursing recruiting manager. Something is going to change soon.

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About julibear

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